A fear of…losing the touch

When Artists lose their touch

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I would hear that a lot as a kid ” He lost his touch. He is just crazy now ” They were talking about the sculptor who used to live in our street. Amazing sculptures. Some as tall as 7 feet high and others as small as a simple pen. A mother holding her dead child during WW2 in Germany. The bible in metal. Horses, buildings,…

But after his wife died, his inspiration died with her. He stopped sketching and working for several years. Then reality kicked in and he had to pay his bills. One day the papers would write about his ” come back ”.

But unfortunately he never really did. All his work had no touch at all. It was weird, emotionless and had no meanings.

I believe that he had pushed away his friends who wanted to support him. Then again, people talk. A lot 24/7 and I guess we will never really know precise details. All I know is that the same year I moved to the U.S he worked in a small Bistro downtown Andora, Italy.

Something that scares me a little bit. My emotions and my ‘feelings’ pay my bills. I get paid to photograph a concept or write about individuals. Whether its in writing or images. I want to keep it real- At least most of the times (depends on the client). What would I do if this feeling dies one time? How many of us Artists go through the famous writers block or lens’block’ ?

To me its amazingly precious. Not because of the money. Rather to try to keep the touch and the truth of myself. It took me many roads I walked, stopped, walked back, walked the wrong way, ran, stopped again. The truth is, it has always been right here in my heart. The desire to speak through image and word. Suddenly it isn’t that important anymore who likes my work for the wrong reasons or who doesn’t.  Art is always and will always be criticised, overrated, underrated, misunderstood but hey luckily adored by those who may relate to the whole image. So,who am I competing with?Another Photographer located in the same town? NO! It’s more like competing with  your soul, your experience and your life!

As funny as it sounds-Yes, my feelings pay my bills. Your love and trust for my images pays my bills. Our sadness and happiness pays my bills. It’s a job. Underestimated. But most importantly a passion that I will never be retiring from. Hopefully.

There are artistic and talented people out there, but might not being a true Artist. And there are Artists, not artistic at all with no sense of business. For some this probably doesn’t make sense. That’s okay.

As for me, I do not want to be gone one day without leaving a trace.  And if I ever lose my touch I  hope my children will carry it on for me.

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Internationally published Photographer and Author from Seattle,USA and currently in Germany and UK I am that chick keeping you awake singing under the shower

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