Ever since i became a Christian, i have people ask me questions why i do certain things, why i raise my hands while praying or why do i get emotional during some songs. Not once did anyone notice me becoming a negative person in any way. Most people noticed changes that they cannot relate to or wonder why i stopped doing things, i used to do that weren’t ”bad” or harmful. I also had a few ask me why i chose Christianity instead of Buddhism or simply stay ” a good person”. A bunch of questions over the years that i will get into more later, in another post.
A recent personal event came up lately that exposed me to a dark place, that i haven’t ever been to or had to walk through myself.
A young and new believer that found Jesus not too long ago, believed and tried to be worthy, after he broke down over and over again realizing, God has always pulled him through. He was never alone. He was so eager, he wanted to become God’s worrier and invited many people to his church. He believed so much, he got his younger sister, a Mormon, to go to a non denominational church. A sweet young believer who wrote down verses of encouragement for a 12 year old who struggled, who prayed in front of strangers before Thanksgiving dinner, who prayed in public in Restaurants with his love ones. He would read scripture and listen to worship songs. Old things were thrown away and new things, such as relationships, Hope, goals and future were built upon his Faith, in Jesus Christ. Until his answers weren’t heard anymore and he started to wonder, if God, the Father of Jesus Christ, is the only, real God.
‘‘Which God, is the real one?”
Many people are lost in this fallen world. Life and people of Faith are doomed because most Religions are orchestrated. Life is orchestrated. Orchestrated and filled with lies, greed and desperation. It sounds all too good to find alternatives to Religion to folks that don’t want to be a part of them and choose things they can relate to. Things that make everything easier, things that make sense and things that make us all feel good and better. Buddhism. Philosophy. Magic. Revenge. And other God’s, such as the ” main” God, the God of sun, the God of water, the God of love, the God of hate, the God of revenge, the God of Lust and sex, the God of nature and the God of fertility etc etc and so on…
Aren’t we so desperate to make us feel good? To always feel the need to control and happily explain the things that make sense or are easy to make sense?
Desperation is dangerous. If we are desperate for something or someone, we are filled with fear and self doubts. We don’t believe and we do not have Hope. Because we are humans, we all have some form or shape of desperation. Knowing something isn’t a good idea to do or to have, we do it anyways, because it makes us feel good. We may be aware that it will end eventually, or harm us or others or maybe we aren’t aware. Desperation makes the eye blind. The heart speak too loud and the confidence weaker than ever! A man feeds his confidence with sexual pleasure, desperately proofing to others how many women fall for him, a mother who lost her child to illness, desperately sitting at the grave, hoping her pain will go away. A teenager, who has no father, desperately numbing his anger by drinking and always trying to find a new high. Or maybe you are in a abusive marriage, desperately hoping by praying it will stop.
What if my prayers aren’t heard or answered?
When we pray for the first time, we pray for help! I want to say this is true about 95% of people that have no other way, but God to give answers.
I belong to the 95%. I remember how desperate i was to find answers how to help my daughter, in February 2012. I was a mess of emotions, fear and oh it was so painful. [read my testimony here] I wasn’t a follower of Christ yet but i knew to me, there was only one God. God who created the world and me. I remember i thought of God the entire day and had random thoughts in my head. Towards the evening, when i was calm and had the idea that God will be the only one who can fix this! So i finally said out loud, ” if you are real..then…” You know the typical prayer most people do when they have no idea how to start a prayer”. 2 weeks later and the Lord provided ! [ You can read the whole story here].
“Don’t give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble.”
Years later, when i became a Christian i learned that prayers don’t really help, if i don’t believe. Barley they would, but i also got lazy in my Faith and the more i strayed away, the less i paid attention. I t would get pretty dark, pretty quick! Which leads me back to when i talked about desperation. Praying when you are desperate, you just don’t believe. You don’t believe it in your heart, only with your flesh. Which again we all know how that verse goes : The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak, Matthew 26:41
Let’s break this down a little.
First off, Jesus always hears us! But we are people with feelings and emotions. We can’t act rational all the time. Remember we are His children. Sometimes we ask for things that just aren’t good for us. Or we are impatient and end up thinking God won’t provide or we start doing our own thing and then wonder why things just aren’t working out in the long run. If you are a mother or father you can most likely relate. You child wants chocolate for breakfast. Isn’t it unhealthy? Well yeah, it is. So you say no. Your plan is to give some candy later, after lunch or so. Sometimes you let your child know and sometimes you will not-depending on your kid’s age and how many times you have told her, no chocolate in the morning. So your kid has 2 options:
- Pout about it and complain, but eventually move on
- Be sneaky, disobey and get caught and be in trouble or not be caught and get bad teeth or a stomach ache no matter what..
As a good father or mother, you repeat yourself daily if you got a naughty child. Maybe you get upset a minute but you never hold a grudge against her. At the end of the day, you will say, I told you so. You knew, because i said it a million times. If you never listen, you never get it!
That is exactly how God loves us, because we are His children! His word is in the bible to read and His spirit is in us to feel and hear. That is of course, if we are believers. So do believers believe everything every time no matter what is in the bible or just whatever fits the situation and get angry or stray away from Faith when it won’t work out in our favors?
2 Chronicles 15:7
But as for you, be strong; do not be discouraged, for your work will be rewarded.”
What does that mean, to be strong? How long will we have to wait until our prayers are heard and when do we get what we are asking for?
Sometimes life can be cruel and soak you into a dark world of depression, sadness and anger. Your husband left you, your teenage children hanging out with the wrong people and you just lost your job and just don’t know how to pay your bills. You pray and pray for a new job, you pray your children start listening, and night for night you pray for your husband to come back. You go to church so you feel less guilty and you pray that things get better. You feel lonely and are desperate of love and attention. The end of the story, is that you get your love from some guy, you give up on your children and let them do whatever. You pray less and less after your last prayer was filled with anger and fear and God seems to ignore your requests. Your mother dies on cancer on top of it. Sleeping with someone not your husband, indeed is a sin. So is this the reason, why God won’t provide? I say, maybe. However, E V E R Y T I M E you see and confess your sins, God forgives and never gives up on you. What i truly think here, is that she has given up on herself, on her faith to trust God at all times and fulfilled her needs, sexually instead of spiritually.
God, where are you?
God, did you leave me?
God, why aren’t things happening for me?
The Lord is always with you.
Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
The Lord will never leave you.
”It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Maybe, you are sinning, maybe you are not paying attention, maybe you are not listening, maybe you are super impatient, maybe you are simply not believing how powerful God really is?
“Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God.”
It does not mean, we must know every single verse in the Bible. But how can you know any verse, if you never read or study in case you don’t understand?
When i was a new Christian- but not saved yet- i didn’t know anything about the Bible. Then i started to only believe what made sense and ignored the rest. I then analyzed the entire Bible and tried to make sense of it. I did pray, though i wasn’t truly believing and rather ”testing” God. When i finally understood what it meant to believe, I stopped taking the bible apart word by word and stopped analyzing it. I was no longer doubting the scripture just because it didn’t make sense. And this is the KEY. It doesn’t always have to make sense. A lot of times, things you don’t understand now, you might understand later, when life circumstances are different. What you need to know is, scripture makes most sense if you have the spirit live in you. Only then, you can understand, you will believe, you will trust and know the power of God! Because if not, the Bible will always only remain a storybook . And what a shame it would be, if you will never hear His word, to be saved and live until eternity. What’s there too lose?
So next time you pray, B E L I E V E . Be calm and T R U S T the Lord and see the fruit in His timing!
Just keep in mind that without faith and true trust in God, Jesus Christ might test you harder and longer. Yes, He tests me too and i do truly believe. He needs His worrier to spread true Gospel, to sit tight, even in the darkest times and fully trust Him. Do not be discouraged when things aren’t changing right away. Let God do His work in His timing. Your only job is to TRUST Him, do not sin and focus on His word aka read the scripture daily. Surround yourself with believers.
If you still doubting your God, please look back why you believed in the first place and seek a pastor who can maybe help you understand things better!
There is God, and one God only. The father of J E S U S C H R I ST , our FATHER!